with my eyes..... i see everything..... destruction.. peace... hatred..

It's just so sad to see my mum describing how much pain and suffering my grandma is dealing right now. The burden on my grandfather and the young maid, it just breaks my heart utterly. 

It is clear that we are all mentally preparing for the worst after my grandma's recent fall. She doesn't eat right nor can she walk now. Her daily movements are by wheelchair and with the help of my grandpa and the maid. My grandpa's love and care for my grandma for so many years inspires me to be a great and humble man. 

Let's talk about my grandma today and share with you some memorable experiences when I was young. When I was really young, being the eldest grandson.. I was so mischievous but I love hanging out with my grandma! They used to live at Kallang Terrace House with 2 floors, loved running up and down the stairs. Currently they reside at Sembawang HDB. 

During my younger days, I look forward to every weekend when all our relatives will gather at my grandparents' place for some family time. Fun and laughter during that time was very much enjoyable. Life was simple and amazing! Sometimes I stayed over during my holidays with my grandparents and although during that time Technology was not so advanced, it's was very much fulfilling for me personally. 

My grandma would bring me to the playground (back then there was still sand and concrete slides!), buying me my favourite durian snack and potong ice cream. During the mornings I stayed over, I would accompany my grandparents to the wet market to buy food. My all time favourite dish by her was handmade Ngoh Hiang (Best I tell u!). I would help her make the ngoh hiangs and then eating it first hand, it was very satisfying. 

However, there was once I was so homesick, I pestered to go home.. resulting in my grandma panicking and had a heart attack. Back then, I was too young to understand the seriousness of it but I do appreciate all the life lessons she imparted to me. Be honest in myself and always look at the bright side of life. As years goes by, all of us grew up and naturally drift further apart. However, I will still make it a point to visit when I have the chance and during those important occasions. It is always nice to see her smile and appreciation that we all come together as a family every now and then. 

During my teenage years, things were very rough for my family but she always manage to keep a smile on my face whenever I visited. It is like a bright light piercing through the darkness I had in my heart. As the eldest grand child, I've always try to set an example for my other cousins and make my grandparents proud. The proudest thing however, in my opinion, was for me to step out of my darkest days and strived. They were so happy to hear I got a job in a reputable law firm that I can see tears in their eyes. I know they are proud of me and what I could achieve, for that kept me going on till now. 

The last couple of years were tough on them, my grandpa had cancer and my grandma got senile. It was hard for me to swallow to see them slowly fade away, however they kept strong and my grandpa especially, supported my grandma single-handedly these years. With the sudden passing of my uncle, the burden on my grandpa financially was straining but thank god they had such wonderful children. We all chipped in every now and then to make sure they lead a decent life. My grandparents had a hand in making me who I am now, and I never looked back. Although sometimes I beat myself up as I can't help much to my family and to my grandparents, I have to pick myself up quickly because that's what I was taught. 

Words can't describe how much I respect and love my grandparents, all I can do now is hope for their final hurdle to be pain-free and happy. 

Final words, I love you grandma and grandpa. Even though you (my grandma) might have vague memories of who I am, but I will never forget the life lessons.