Worst day in my 2009..
It's coming to Christmas, a season of joy and laughter.. yet I got a bunch of shits today.
Got a surgery to extract my bottom left wisdom tooth last week and on MC for the week. Even though I'm on MC, I was worried about my work and even amended my work at home to help out my poor colleagues covering for me.
What the f*** do I get? A scolding from someone that didn't even understand what's going on with the file. Scolded me for not being prudent on the file? Wtf.. at work, I can say I always give the best even though I can manage time to gossip etc. Didn't I try to oblige everytime they need help? A split second there, I thought I wasn't part of the company.
Best thing is to reprimand me on things I already attended to probably a week ago and now that's its urgent. Infront of a new intern as well? humiliating me, rock bottom feeling today. Was I that useless? Perhaps so. Maybe I shall be one, maybe I should turn a blind eye sometimes. Maybe I should stop trying to make work easier for everyone as well. 3 years of hardwork seems like a waste of time to me now.
You implied I'm slow and probably incompetent enough to handle many files at one time? Fine, I will be that WAY. Not like I'm getting paid alot? I can't even save much with my current salary with all the commitments I have to my family.
Whining I am, but he will never see things poor chaps like me see. Due to unforeseen circumstances, I do not have the required paperworks, but I always try my best to make it through my ideas and my hardwork.
3 years down the road, easily I see many flaws in our company system. I know I'm cheap and maintainable, but to suck me dry of my energy and put me down like an animal just doesn't suit me. I held my anger in, I kept silent not because I admit it's my mistake, but it's futile to even argue as your mindset is already set. I was sentenced to a crime I didn't do.
The anger in me, the tears I've shed. I have seen all these in many of my colleagues. And today I finally realised why they are so hurt, disappointed etc.
TODAY shall be a new start for me, wishful thinking of me to even have a dream of a better future. Now that I've seen the judgement, I shall not dare to dream anymore. Ppl always say "What goes around, comes around" and I will surely repay the deeds.
Now, to look forward to 2010, with new perspectives and goals. I'm finally enlightened and shall not make the mistakes many did.
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